Does my recent post sound familiar?

A couple of days ago, I wrote about the use of religion to justify racial discrimination.

Those of us in the LGBT community are very familiar with this particular justifying behavior. . .

I had a significant opportunity to dialogue about this very issue and had some interesting results: we all learned something about each other. . .and maybe even gained a little understanding.

Learning, understanding, and empathy are what the mediative response to conflict is all about.

Follow-up: Discrimination and Mediation

Thank you to those who responded to my post yesterday.

Interestingly, I may be soon mediating a community case that involves discrimination - or, more specifically, reverse discrimination.

I'm amazed at the subtle ways racism flourishes in our society. If you're religious and white, you can self-righteously disguise racist feelings by emphasizing your religious beliefs. . .that way you don't have to examine your feelings too deeply and you don't risk being labeled a racist.

Discrimination and Mediation

Is it possible to mediate situations involving discrimination?

Short answer: Yes.

I'll attempt to explain.

Discrimination involves ignorance and fear.

Awareness and knowledge are catalysts for replacing ignorance and fear with understanding and empathy.

Mediation can be a conduit for awareness, knowledge, understanding and empathy.

How?

The honesty of mediation provides fertile ground for the seeds of fear and the (perhaps unexpected) growth of empathy.

Okay - that sounds stupidly hoaky. :)

I won't go so far as to say that laws aren't significant to overcoming discrimination. However, laws are only one approach.

Opportunities for communication through mediation provide another approach.

The difference?

Laws require deciding who is "right," which inherently includes deciding who is "wrong."

Can something like discrimination truly be a simple matter right or wrong?

I don't think so.

I believe discrimination needs to be addressed on a deeper level.

Laws may eventually change behavior but without the necessary, more fundamental changes (awareness, understanding, and empathy) are we really any better off?

Mediation can take the issue of discrimination to the level needed to create lasting change. This level involves human relationships - something the law is not equipped (or meant ) to consider.

I would love to know your thoughts on this.

Thanks.
Debra

about my less positive employment experiences. . .

So, the other day I mentioned kind of an unusual response to my acknowledgement that I am gay during a job interview ("Wonderful!! My wife won't have any reason to be jealous!") . . . well, here's another personal employment experience. . .

About 6 weeks into a new job at a mid-size law firm, I'm called into HR. At the time, I had no idea this is kind of like being called into the principal's office.

"Please, close the door." The HR person proceeds to tell me that I have offended a co-worker by my unprofessional behavior. A million snippets and snapshots are racing through my mind. What?? What could I possibly have done??

"She saw you hugging your partner in the women's restroom and it made her feel uncomfortable."

Yes - my partner had come by the office and we went for lunch. Yes - I made the conscious decision to give her a hug when she was leaving, but didn't want to risk offending anyone by giving her a hug in the hallway, so we stepped into the restroom. I know there was no one in the restroom - it was a small restroom. At this point I'm feeling pretty confused and conflicted. I apologize for my misconduct and assure her it won't happen again.

What had just happened?

A couple of weeks later, HR asked me if I'd like to go to lunch with her. I'm feeling a little uneasy, but figure I better say "yes." She shares with me her desire to be with a woman although she's married to a man.

Things got weirder and weirder after that . . . six weeks later I walked out of the place with no backup job.

To this day, I'm convinced there was some sort of video feed from the restroom to HR. . . or somewhere.

So much for my unprofessional behavior.

Conflict and Sexual Orientation

As a mediator and conflict consultant, I've spent my life analyzing the roots of conflict. I'd like to share what I've learned.

More importantly, I'd like to hear what you've learned about conflict.

I look forward to productive, meaningful discussions focusing on addressing and resolving conflicts associated with sexual orientation.

Debra

No More Discrimination

All are welcome to share thoughts, feelings, and experiences regarding discrimination based on sexual orientation.

You will be heard here.

I'm here to listen and help in any way I can - whether it's through providing my experience and hope, resources, or mediation.
We can overcome discrimination based on sexual orientation. . .through awareness, empathy, and understanding.

Please join me.

Tell Your Stories

In 2000, I interviewed for a employment position. I had mixed emotions about revealing my sexual orientation. I finally brought it up at the end of the interview. My reasoning: I wouldn't want to work anywhere where I didn't fit in or where I might cause people to feel uncomfortable.

My future boss's reaction: "Wonderful!!! My wife will have no reason to be jealous!!"

Go figure.

Unfortunately, similar situations don't always have "positive" (?) endings. . .I have my negative stories, too.

Facebook

Debra Healy on Facebook

Let Me Hear From You

If you are being discriminated in any setting because of your sexual orientation, please contact me. I'd like to help.

Awareness, Empathy, and Understanding - The Keys to Mediation

We often fear things that seem different or unfamiliar. Unfortunately, fear often leads to anger and destructive behavior.

Anyone who is a member of a minority group is well aware of these human tendencies. We have faced anger and destructive behavior based on nothing more than being different.